Despite the sensitive nature of this topic this is a satirical piece, though the conclusions reached are dead serious
On March 15th, the Secret Service’s National Threat Assessment Center (NATC) published a 26-page report that has identified a new threat to national security (as if potential nuclear annihilation, a global pandemic, rising living costs and inequality, white supremacy and climate change weren’t already enough to worry about) – “incel terrorists”.
Ever since the tragic events of 9/11/2001, the word “terrorist” has become a label that instantly instills fear in both those hearing the word, and supposedly those using it. Terrorist was not a new word – it was first coined in the 1790s during the French revolution, by the revolutionaries to describe their opponents.
The term later regained popularity in the 1970s in relation to the Israeli genocide of the Palestinian people – whoops sorry, I mean the ‘Israeli – Palestinian War’ (guess which people were labelled terrorists in that situation).
It was used again to describe the Irish who fought against those wonky-toofed, tea-drinkin’ Bri’ish people. The IRA did commit violent acts against innocent civilians which is never OK, but those actions pale in comparison to what the Brits did during their occupation of Ireland and attack on Irish sovereignty. So by the late 20th century “terrorist” was commonly thrown at anyone who fought back against imperialism and invasion.
The 9/11 attacks against the USA however, brought new meaning to the term, and sparked the ‘War on Terror’. Suddenly the whole world knew about terrorists; how they wanted to kill you and your entire family; dreamed of destroying your democracy; hated your way of life and just generally wished you’d stop having such a bloody good time being a Westerner. It was nothing to do with aggressive and oppressive foreign policy around the world; it was you they had a problem with.
The U.S.A, along with its allies, pledged to rid the world of terrorists along with anyone else that fought back against its world domination agenda. Intelligence organizations, governments and mainstream media the world over, kindly taught the public how to spot a terrorist, and to pick up on any signs that someone might be planning acts of terror. Typically, they’d be wearing a headscarf, a turban, or burqa, possibly have a beard and not be white. It was so easy to spot a terrorist in the 2000s and 2010s – the War on Terror sparked a global wave of racism and xenophobia where anyone who looked like a Muslim or dressed differently could be deemed a potential threat to national security – these were simpler times. It’s been over twenty years since then, and a new face of terrorism is coming to light, one that’s much more difficult to identify and spot
We are of course talking about one of the biggest dangers to the free world right now – THE INCEL.
For the uninitiated, the term “incel” (involuntary celibate) is used to describe “men who feel unable to obtain romantic or sexual relationships with women, to which they feel entitled to” according to the report. So to put it in simpler terms, a guy who’s very angry about the fact he should be getting laid when he isn’t.
This threat identification comes in the wake of an increasing number of mass shootings/killings over the past several years by incels. One of the most prominent incel attacks in recent years was in 2018, when a man (we won’t use his name, he lived an unknown loser and died one too) shot six women in a Tallahassee yoga studio, killing two, before shooting his own unattractive face. This is not an event to be laughed at, but the idea of someone being that upset about their lack of sex is pretty laughable. How pathetic would you need to be, seriously?
Remember the good old days, when people could just be racist and call people with darker skin, a foreign accent, or a different religion a terrorist? How are airport security going to know who to racially profile and pull out of queues now? If they catch someone getting a hard-on in the fashion magazine section at the airport will they need to detain them? How will the military/police know who to discriminate against? Will they arrest and interrogate terrorism suspects and ask them when they last got laid?
Terrorist used to be such a simple term. We knew who to be scared of, and were constantly reminded of that through movies, the media, by the government. With incels now being classed as terrorists though, how will we know who to base our caricatures of fear on? Out of the two types of terrorists that we’re discussing here, I know which one I’m more scared of – the one who hates women’s freedoms, keeps himself covered from the sun, has an unhealthy obsession with guns and is angry enough to use them. I’m talking about incels of course, you racist.
So with the threat of incels on the rise, it’s important for us to be able to notice the signs early on, before their testosterone-fueled rage is unleashed on innocent women. So we’ve put together a compehensive list to help you out.
They love Reddit/4chan
The growth of the incel ‘movement’ is believed by many to have started on sites like 4chan and Reddit. Subreddits like r/incels, r/beatingwomen, r/MGTOW (men go their own way) have all been banned, but active subreddits such as r/FemaleDatingStrategy, r/MensRights, and r/TheRedPill are breeding grounds for incels.
4chan in general is such a shitshow that it’s hard to pinpoint specific boards to worry about on that site.
So as a rule of thumb, if you see or hear anyone using/mentioning Reddit/4chan you could be dealing with an incel.
The way they dress & their ideologies
The 1999 movie first introduced the idea of ‘The Red Pill’ as an analogy for seeing reality for what it truly is, along with an entirely new fashion style for people who reject mainstream society. The movie inspired a fresh new world perspective for a lot of men online, who refer to themselves and each other as ‘Alphas’ and ‘Betas’, i.e. men who get laid and those who don’t. Anyone who doesn’t treat women like shit is a ‘blue piller’, and only when you take the Red Pill will you see the reality that you have to treat women like shit or they won’t have sex with you. The amount of mental backflipping needed to accept that logic is already enough to drive a sane person insane–
so if you treat women like shit then you’ll get laid but if you don’t get laid then you’re an incel and you should go and treat women like shit/attack them, but then does that mean they will have sex with you? So you have to be shitty to women – actually you know what, nevermind. It’s literally insanity, so don’t try and relate to the logic. The point is if you see someone who’s wearing a leather trench coat or has an unhealthy obsession with The Matrix, they might be an incel.
The way they look
A lot of incels tend to be young men, who have never had sex before, or at least in quite a long time. If you find out your male friend is a virgin and is really angry about it, or hasn’t been able to have sex in a long time and is also angry about it – THEY COULD BE AN INCEL.
The language they speak
Incels have their own lexicon which they use to dog whistle to other potential incels. They might call other men a ‘Chad’, certain women ‘Stacys’, talk about various-coloured pills (not to be confused with ravers on their way to make love to music), and speak in terms you’ve only seen on message boards before. If you hear this foreign dialect – THEY ARE MOST PROBABLY AN INCEL.
Some other signs to look out for – they might use hashtags like #ForeverAlone, see Jordan Peterson as a god, and respond to the word feminist with utter disgust – because women wanting to be treated as human beings is obviously disgusting.
Sometimes, they will just flat out identify themselves as an incel, which makes things a lot easier.
Although the categories for spotting incels may be similar to how we’ve been taught to identify terrorists (see: the way they talk, look, dress), they are not the same at all.
With all of that said, there is no concrete way to spot an ‘incel’. They could be lurking anywhere, standing outside yoga studios, approaching you awkwardly at bars or there could be an incel in your house right now. Fuck, I might even be an incel… I go on Reddit sometimes, and I thought the Matrix was kind of cool. I swear I’m not celibate though!! Don’t report me!
I would like to conclude on a serious note. Although incels have been identified by people with way more authority than I, as terrorists, we should not give them even that label. The threat of incels is very real, and they legitimately want to hurt people, from all of the ‘Stacys’ to the ‘Chads’ – although their primary target is women.
But the word terrorist has been used in the past 50 or so years to label almost anybody who stood in the way of Western imperialism, so many of those who were deemed terrorists would see themselves as freedom fighters, rebels against oppressors, or as defenders from those who wish to take away their liberties. The only thing incels want to free is their dicks from the confines of their Y-fronts. The only thing oppressing them is their own toxic mentality and self-pity. The only thing they’re being deprived of is a place to dump their cum other than tissues or crusty socks.
The government definition of a terrorist is somebody who wants to cause terror amongst the civilian population, and scientists have defined terrorists as having a political ideal or agenda. While incels have been attacking people in increasing amounts in the past several years, there is no reality where they are fighting against oppression. They have no political agenda. This interview with a mass-murdering incel gives a chilling insight into the deluded reality of an incel. They believe they are fighting a righteous war, that they are an oppressed group fighting back. We should not give them the title of ‘terrorist’ – they’d likely wear it as a badge of honour. They want you to fear them. I don’t know what else they could be called, but let us not give this group of psychotic, self-entitled and dangerous group of people the dignity of being compared to people who fought against oppression. I can’t believe I’m writing this sentence – but the label of terrorist is too good for them.
So when it comes to incels, be alert, be aware and be careful. Just don’t let them believe that their indignation is for a second, righteous or just, by using the same word often slapped on to enemies of Western expansionism, racism and antagonism. Again, I don’t have a better alternative label, but I’m sure someone smarter than me can do a better job than “terrorist”. Different beliefs, ideals and delusions can not all be lumped into one category.