Brits really excited about global annihilation

Anybody who’s British, or who has spent any time with a Brit (sorry), knows that we absolutely love to moan. We moan about the weather, the government (rightfully so), our work, the price of everything – we even moan about other people moaning. Yet it always seemed that there was a certain unspoken resilience hidden underneath all of the negative small-talk, with probably our most famous national slogan being “Keep calm and carry on”.

It appears however, that the whole idea of ‘just getting on with it’ may have simply been a façade this whole time, and the British are in fact extremely miserable and actually wish the world would just hurry up and end.

In a recent hustings event in Birmingham on August 24th, where Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss took to the stage to convince Conservative voters how each would be better at speeding up the UK’s path to complete self-destruction, Truss was asked by Times Radio host John Pienaar how she would feel if faced with unleashing the country’s nuclear arsenal, a thought that would make any sane human-being sick to their stomach (which Pienaar specifically said he would feel).

To the surprise of pretty much any rational, non-psychotic human being, Truss, in a voice that sounded like she’d just been asked if she’s willing to cut Kit-Kats out of her weekly shopping list, said that as PM she is “ready to do that”, an answer which received enthusiastic applause from the surrounding crowd.

Just let that sink in for a moment. A serious contender for the Prime Minister of the UK, announced very nonchalantly that she is ready to use nuclear weapons and almost certainly ensure the total destruction of life on this planet – and everybody clapped.

Now, who knows, maybe everybody in the crowd was an actor paid by Truss’ campaign team. Maybe the event organizers specifically picked psychopaths frothing at the mouth at the idea of a post-nuclear apocalyptic wasteland where they can live out their Mad Max fantasies. Maybe everybody there was actually really, really depressed, and loved the thought of it all ending in a hot, white flash of skin-melting, bone-vaporising fire. Maybe the sound of Liz Truss’s voice was just so astoundingly boring and dull, that at that point the thought of instant death was actually preferable to listening to her speak any longer.

We don’t know, and we can’t say for sure.

What we can say for sure though, is that a room full of people clapping at the idea of nuclear war is, to put it lightly, absolutely terrifying and the prospect of Liz Truss being Prime Minister sounds like one item on a list of prophecies that must come to pass in order for an apocalyptic Judgment Day to rain down on the people of Earth.

I would say “God help us all” but judging by the current state of the world, anything even slightly resembling a God very clearly stopped giving a shit a long, long time ago.